Sales Letter Shark

Bullet Point Critique for an AdSense Product

This one is an anonymous critique, so I’m not revealing any identifiable details.  Let me just say it’s for an AdSense product.

Here is the list of bulleted benefit statements:

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What’s inside

* Killer Keyword-domain selection strategy for Adsense for Domain
* Autopilot Income 24/7
* Expose your parked domains to public outside Google’s radar.
* 30-day full money back guarantee!

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Sharksters, can you guess the problem?

That’s right, these bullets are basically features rather than benefits.  Plus, they don’t have that whiz-bang “oooh ahhh” factor.  The prospect isn’t going to be tripping all over himself to take out his credit card.

Now, I haven’t seen the product so I don’t know the actual benefits associated with these particular bullet points. But let’s rip apart the first bullet any way…

“Killer Keyword-domain selection strategy for Adsense for Domain”

The prospect who’s looking at this bullet is going to say, “huh? What does this mean?”

Remember, not all your prospects are going to read every word of your sales letter. There are lots of skimmers.  So your prospects need to understand what a bullet point means without having to go back and read the rest of the letter.

Now let’s suppose you’ve been a bit clearer about what this bulleted statement means.  The next thing the prospect will ask is this: “but what’s in it for me?”

You see, simply putting the word “killer” (or any other “trigger” word) into a bullet point doesn’t make it compelling.  You need to tell your prospects what the feature will do for them.

So, what does this feature do?  Does it help the prospect:

• Make more money?
• Get a top position in Google?
• Choose a domain name that ranks well in the search engines?
• Find a little-known but profitable niche?
• Relieve his seasonal allergy symptoms?

Point is, the bullet needs to focus on the main benefit.  For example: “You’ll discover a little-known domain name trick that shoots you to the top of Google and brings you massive traffic!”

That bullet needs a lot of polishing and tightening – but you see where I’m heading with it.

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Likewise, the next two bullet points have similar problems:

* Autopilot Income 24/7 – this one also includes a catch phrase, but catch phrases alone don’t sell products.  You need to offer more specific benefits.  You need to tap into emotional triggers.

* Expose your parked domains to public outside Google’s radar – just as with the first bullet, I’m not even sure what this one means (much less what the benefit is).

And finally, the last bullet:

* 30-day full money back guarantee!

Instead of hiding the guarantee in the bulleted list, put it in a Johnson box or otherwise highlight it on its own. Then rewrite it to make it stronger.  For example, “Your satisfaction is guaranteed!  Use [name of product] for 30 full days to [insert one to three major benefits].  If you’re unsatisfied for ANY reason, simply email me and I’ll promptly refund your money.  No quibbles, no questions asked!”

Again, that guarantee could use polishing, but it’s better than just slipping one line into the copy.

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OK Sharksters, your turn to comment.  Give this marketer a helping hand with his bullet points and/or guarantee…