Sales Letter Shark

Shark Tank: Headline critique for a list-building script

This week’s critique is for Jared Alberghini’s ANM  Footer-Ad script.

Let’s do the headline, because it’s the make or break part of the sales letter…

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“Discover the Secret Script That the List Building Experts Don’t Want You to See…”

Build a Bigger Responsive List Much More Quickly.

Boost Your Income.

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My B.S. alarm just went off.

And if a prospect had some sense of what the product was before they got to the sales page, their B.S. alarms would be ringing too.

Here’s why…

If this list-building script really is THAT GOOD, then list-building experts would be all over it like ants on a picnic basket.  They’d be recommending it up, down and sideways on their blogs and to their lists.

Just think about it – this script has an affiliate program, so who is most likely to recommend it?  That’s right, list-building experts.  In fact, marketers who are known list-building experts are probably going to be Jared’s very best affiliates.

After all, they’re EXPERTS.  And if they didn’t recommend an awesome list-building script to their subscribers, then they’d be seen as being behind the curve on the latest list-building technology and tools.  We wouldn’t want that.

Now think about this for a moment…

Joe Blow the List-Building Expert recommends the Footer-Ad script.  His visitors crash the gates of Jared’s site and the first thing they see is this headline:

“Discover the Secret Script That the List Building Experts Don’t Want You to See…”

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Bang, bang, bang <== That’s Jared’s credibility being shot down.

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Obviously, the list-building experts DO want their subscribers to see this page.  So to say otherwise is just going to set up a big contradiction in the visitor’s mind.  A stumbling block.  A feeling in the gut that this whole sales letter is bull crap.

And that’s going to sink conversions faster than a lead ball in a swimming pool.

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I suppose a few folks are starting to think, “Hey genius – you got it all wrong.”

Maybe you’re thinking that Jared probably just used the term “experts” to refer to expert list-builders in the prospect’s niche – i.e., competitors.  Like dog training list-building experts.  Or weight loss list-building experts.  Folks like that.

If so, that doesn’t change this critique at all.  Because Jared’s intention has no bearing on how people are going to PERCEIVE the headline.

Here’s what we need to remember…

Our headlines need to join the conversation that’s going on in our prospect’s head right at this moment. And whatever experience a prospect has right before he comes to our sales page is going to color how he perceives the copy.

Consider where Jared’s prospect might come from:

• His own list, blog or social network.
• An affiliate’s list, blog or social network.
• A search engine.
• An article in an article directory or on Squidoo.

And so on.

In all cases, the prospect is going to be thinking about list-building tips.  As such, a prospect isn’t going to see “list building expert” as the same thing as a “competitor in your niche.”  Instead, he’s going to perceive “expert” as someone who sells or otherwise shares list-building advice with others.

And it’s this perception that’s going to set up the big contradiction we talked about above.

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So how can Jared get better results?

If he wants to go with the same type of headline, then he might tell us this is “the list-building script your competitors don’t want you to see!”

(Note: If he does that, he also needs to tie the headline to the copy by letting us know why they wouldn’t want us to see it.)

Alternatively, he could stick with a straight forward benefit-driven headline – one that tells us what the product is (a list-building script) and what benefits users get.