Sub-Headline Critique for a WSO Product
Thanks to David E. for letting me critique his “Octoblog” WSO (Warrior Special Offer) sales letter. As usual, I’m going to critique just a small snippet for this post (maybe I’ll do more another day). But for starters, let’s look at part of a sub-headline…
“With this method, you will deliver a never-ending, massive swarm of FREE, highly-targeted traffic to your website…”
Hit the back button, boys – this sounds like too much work!
I know, I know… nothing comes easy. But you know what? Your prospects are looking for that easy button. They wanted their problems gone yesterday. And they don’t want to drop the Cheetos or the remote in order to get their problems fixed.
That doesn’t mean you should lie and say it’s easy if it takes a lot of work. Not at all. But a careful use of word choice can make a huge difference in the prospect’s perception — and in your conversion rates.
Here are the three main problem words with this headline: “You will deliver.”
You see, that’s the part that sounds like work. The prospect doesn’t want to be the one delivering the benefit. That sounds like a big pain in the ass! And bam, the prospect is suddenly not all that keen on buying your product.
Instead, the prospect wants to GET the benefit… quickly and easily!
So let’s tighten that headline. Let’s take out “you will deliver” and change it to “you’ll get.” Now here’s where we’re at:
“With this method, you’ll get a never-ending, massive swarm of FREE, highly-targeted traffic to your website…”
Ahhh, much better. Subtle but very effective.
That just tickled the prospect’s easy button. And that puts you one step closer to the prospect hitting your “buy” button.
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OK Sharksters — your turn. Tighten up the rest of the subheadline…
